


Gotta Get Out

by mileyisqueen1disforme



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Adultery, Anal Sex, Cheating, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Making Love, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sad Harry, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:30:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mileyisqueen1disforme/pseuds/mileyisqueen1disforme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is in an abusive relationship with Nick, Nick cheats a lot. </p><p>Harry starts falling in love with Louis, he's pretty sure Louis is in love with Eleanor. </p><p> Nick passes the line, and Harry doesn't know how to leave.</p><p>(Contains smut.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So I thought of this story randomly and I was like why not? So here I am. Hope you like it. Xx

Nick hit him again. 

And he promised it would never happened again; Harry knew he was lying. Yet Harry wanted to believe. "It was an accident," he'd say, "It won't happen again." 

"He loved me," he'd whimper. 

But sometimes even he didn't believe it.

However Harry never left, Harry loved Nick. Loved him so much, he could handle a few punches. But Harry knew that with every punch he was coming undone. 

Harry just didn't know how to leave. He doubted if he even could.

But one thing was for sure; this love was going to kill him. And maybe, just maybe that was Harry's only way out.


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's normal day, Nick is an ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me forever! I was busy sorry! Enjoy x

Everybody gets a happy ending, right? Harry bit his bottom lip, breaking through the sensitive skin to keep the sobs from crawling out his mouth.

He knew crying only made Nick more mad. Harry didn't know if that was possible at this point; Nick was _fuming_. His eyes were stormy, furious and quite frankly downright frightening.

Harry hated seeing this side of Nick. Nick exploded for no reason now. Harry had burnt his meat a little, for running to the loo, and that had set Nick off. Somehow it went from burnt meat to Harry being a slut and fucking the whole neighborhood.

When in reality Harry had only been with Nick, sexually, ever.

Nick's fists were ruthless as the pounded into the younger boy. Nick's mind was lost and cloudy. His body was on autopilot and only knew how to take the anger out. When he felt his anger begin to reside the negative emotions began to crawl back.

Thus he hit Harry harder, his whole body shaking from the force of how hard he was straining himself. But that did not compare to how Harry's body shook with each blow. Every time Nick lost himself in his mind, he was losing Harry too.

Harry wouldn't leave him, he couldn't, but Harry was slowly, yet surely, no longer seeing the boy who had asked him to marriage. It had been a full year since the engagement, they postponed the wedding after the death of Nick's father's death. It was after that unfortunate twist of event that Nick lost it.

Harry wasn't stupid in that aspect, he knew the death had introduced Nick to the monstrous side of himself. A wise writer, by the name of John Green, wrote in one of his stories, The Fault in Our Stars, that death does in fact reveal you. Harry knew he was 100% correct in that form.

It had revealed the side Nick had compressed his whole life. Nick didn't stop for another rough half hour, until his body became tired. He looked down at the broken boy by him, the _love of his life_ and spat at him. He spat at Harry like it was Harry's fault his father had died, even though the rational side of him knew it wasn't.

As soon as it Harry's cheek he immediately regretted it. Instead of apologizing he walked away as if Harry wasn't lying hurt feet away. He walked to their room and slammed the door.

It was then Harry began to cry. The tears wouldn't rush out fast enough, the tears wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop crying; he _couldn't_. His heart clenched in pain, his heart was crying.

He laid there for so many hours as he cried gently. He often wondered if Nick would ever come out and tell him that everything had been a mistake but like before that wasn't the case.

Harry noticed the night grow to it's darkest, meaning it was somewhere around 3. Yet Harry would not move, he didn't have the reason to. He liked the floor, he belonged there. After all he did everything wrong, he knew that now.

A need for sleep finally caught up with Harry as he slipped into an unconscious state. Harry dreamed of nothing, it was eerie with an empty feeling. However Harry preferred it to his reality, he knew that was wrong but he couldn't help it.

When Harry woke the apartment was silent meaning Nick must have headed off to work. Harry sat up stiffly then remembering he had slept on the kitchen floor. His whole body winced as he stood while considering if he should eat.

But he just wasn't hungry. He just felt strangely empty.

He walked --more like limped-- to his room. He lingered at the doorway staring at the room. Usually Harry would curl into the blankets and breathe in Nick's scent because that was his source of comfort. He would stay there, weeping slightly, until Nick would come home with flowers and chocolates. Not to forget the well written apologizing slipping out his mouth.

This time Harry couldn't help but feel different. This time it was Harry's mind that was on autopilot. He didn't realize what he was doing until he had finished packing a small bag stuffed of clothes and other necessities.

The bag didn't hold a lot, a weekend worth full of clothes, a toothbrush, deodorant, and etc. He began tearing up as he skimmed through the drawer by his bed for a paper and pen.

As soon as he found a note pad he began to scribble an explanation. Although it wasn't much of an explanation, all it said was; I _don't know. I need time. I need to think. I'm sorry. -H._

A rush was surging through his body as he weakly threw the note pad on the bed. He grabbed tightly onto the bag and made his way to the door. He faced the apartment, the one full of damp and harsh memories and knew he needed to do this.

He needed the old Nick; if this was the way to do it, then Harry would. Harry wasn't one to give up so he wouldn't especially now.

He opened his door, closed it, grabbed the extra and locked it. He walked quickly down his neighborhood --knowing the liked to gossip about anything-- towards the corner.

Once he saw his building was out of view he dialed for a taxi. It had been the longest five minutes of his life; constantly fearing Nick would come home early and find him. He wasn't ready.

Harry sucked in a breath of relief as the taxi stopped in front of him. Trying to breath steadily, he got into the car. His grip never loosened from the bag.

It was as if it was his last grope of hope. Of escape.

He wheezed out the address of an old friend, Zayn. Him and Zayn contacted each other every once in a while to make sure their lives were riding smoothly.

He had told about Nick, the engagement and the death but always left out the abuse.

He never told anyone.

Harry remembered how he could never understand why people stayed in such relationships but now Harry understood. He knew why so clearly. It was a compelling feeling, your mind on the desperation of wanting to believe your partner's love for you was real, another part fear.

Fear of your lover, that leaving them would be your last move. It was difficult however here was Harry. Harry now knew the complex feeling of not being able to leave someone because your love dazed your more reasonable side.

When Harry arrived to the flat complex, he paid the driver, thanked him politely as getting out. He heard the car drive away as he walked tentatively towards the main entrance.

The air was like a warm hug rushing to evolve Harry as he walked in. Harry kept praying that Zayn still lived in the same apartment as before during his time walking up the stairs to the second floor.

The complex was inviting and deemed to be peaceful. Harry could see why Zayn would reside here.

Harry walked up to the door with a gold #7 plastered onto the wood red door. Harry knocked loudly yet firmly although his nervous were all over the place. His heart was racing, thinking it might have been a mistake to come here, when he heard the door unlock.

_This is it_ , thought Harry in the unavoidable moment that the door opened. Harry couldn't breathe when a man he didn't recognize stood staring at him. The young man's sweet brown eyes looked into Harry's crazed ones. The guy was well built, like if he had spent a lot of time in the gym.

"Uh. Hello?" The guy gently asked, standing lazily against the doorway. Whatever daze Harry had been in was cut short as he composed himself. "Is..is Zayn here?" His voice was raspy, and it surprised Harry that it didn't shake.

The guy stared at him for a second before calling out, "Z! Some lad's at the door for you!" "Who?" Harry heard Zayn shoot back. " I dunno, come see!" The guy said, Harry heard Zayn's footsteps shuffle towards them.

Harry didn't even know how to explain but it was too late to think of going back.

Harry looked down right Zayn reached the door. He still didn't look up when Zayn quietly gasped, "Harry?..what happened to your face?"

This time Harry looked up confused until he remember that Nick had kicked him in the jaw, living a nasty bruise on his chin. Harry had never dealt with anything like that because usually Nick avoided hitting where people could see. He must have gotten careless last night.

Harry didn't know what to say so he just murmured, "Long story..don't really wanna talk about it." He met Zayn's slightly worried eyes and wanted to scream to him about Nick and how much he was hurting inside but he remained quiet.

No one cared, Nick had drilled that inside of his head.

"C'mon, get inside, you look like death and it's scaring me," Zayn said frowning. Zayn wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders, while the mystery guy moved to give them space to come in.

Zayn and Harry walked to a black, well used couch as the other guy closed the door. "That's Liam by the way; my boyfriend," Zayn whispered proudly into his ear, finally allowing Harry to know the lad's identity.

"So what brings you to finally visit me?" Zayn smiled leaning back onto his couch. Harry leaned back only slightly before Liam stated in a genuinely nice voice, "I'll give you two some time to talk, I'll be in the room babe," the last part he said to Zayn who smiled gratefully back at him.

As soon as he left Harry finally said, "Having a bit of a fight with Nick and I need somewhere to crash at..and..I just wanted to know if it was alright if I stayed here until I cleared out my mind. I promise it'll only be three nights at the most!" Harry needed Zayn to say yes, otherwise Harry would have to use his card and Nick would be able to find him.

"Hmm..well I do have a roommate and I have to see if it's okay with him. Liam doesn't live here, in case your wondering, my roommate's name is Louis. He should be home in a couple of hours, " he paused slightly like if he had just come up with a brilliant idea, "however I can convince him only if you tell me why you're so beat up," Zayn finished.

Harry bit his lip, wincing from how tender it was, thinking of a way to get out of this. Harry didn't want to tell the truth so he lied, "Got mugged..it was horrible, don't want to relive it."

By the look of Zayn's face, Harry knew he had believed him. Zayn attacked him into a hug before shooting off questions, "Did you tell the cops?! Have the caught that punk?!" Harry just shrugged, "Told the police, and they said they'd keep an eye out for those punks. It was more than one. That is why I couldn't fight back."

Harry knew lying to Zayn --who hated lying more than swimming-- was foolish but Harry knew that Nick would actually kill him if he opened his mouth about the truth.

Zayn nodded, moving away from the hug only to get up. "Are you hungry? I was just about to get Liam to make some lunch?" Harry chuckled because Zayn was forcing someone else to make him food, and although he wasn't in the mood, he nodded.

"K, be right back. Let me go get my lover," he said dramatically wondering down the hallway leaving Harry alone on the couch. Harry smiled because he knew people rarely saw the energetic side of Zayn. Zayn was more than the calm, mysterious guy he plays off to be.

Harry's fingers smoothed over the couch as he laid back. He stared up at the ceiling and couldn't help but wonder how Nick was doing. Harry sighed sadly when he realized he had to work Sunday night, he hoped Nick didn't know that. Nick could easily find him there but maybe Harry could just call in sick or something.

Harry pushed the thought of Nick to the side when he heard the other two lads walking out the hallway. "Liam it's time you properly meet Harry, same goes for you Harry," Zayn grinned pushing Liam in front of him.

Harry couldn't resist saying one of the lamest comebacks, "It's time I meet myself..too?" Zayn's face dropped as he rolled his eyes but Harry saw the small smile planting itself on his face.

"Lame, H, so lame. I totally forgot you were so bad a jokes," Zayn chuckled, making a face of disbelief before looking at Liam.

He stage whispered, "Don't listen to him. He has bad memory and apparently an even worse taste in humor." That made him and Liam burst into a tiny fit of laughter before Zayn joined in.

"Well it's good to see you'll get along, " Zayn chirped wrapping an arm around Liam's waist. "This should be fun, nice to meet ya, mate," Liam said smiling at Harry.

All the while all thoughts of Nick slipped his mind and Harry didn't really mind.


	3. Two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry can't stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you guys like the story (: I've decided to do this thing where I add in cool quotes that I think go with what I'm writing, it'd be nice if you guys told me what you think about it. I like this story a lot, I hope you guys do too. Lot's of love xx

 

 

> _"I needed you like a Sunday morning, I wanted you like a Friday night."_

Our choices define us, display who we are. Well Harry was pretty weak. After lunch while they were out of the living room, he didn't even say goodbye, just grabbed his stuff and fled. He didn't get to meet the roommate, he just left.

He left with a million explanations and apologies on the edge of falling. He left because he was weak. He left because he was foolishly in love. He knew how this would end badly but have you ever had that moment where you knew what was going to happen but you kept doing it anyway? And he knew Nick would be mad but maybe if he returned now he wouldn't be so mad.

\---- 

 

> _"It went from butterflies fluttering in my stomach to bees stinging in my heart."_

Harry arrived at their flat at 7 in the night, he had taken the train instead of a taxi like before. He had sat in the train as it traveled to all it's stops and he watched the people who came on. He wondered if they could see the pain in his eyes, if they could see his life overflowing with problems or if it wasn't noticeable because Harry's life didn't even scratch the surface. He kept wishing someone would ask him if he was okay but he knew no one would.

He had studied the strangers who were gone in such little time. He wondered if they too were watching their life fall apart. He wondered if they knew the feeling of wanting to scream, of being so afraid and upset that you fall to your knees, tears falling rapidly escaping in despair as if the tears were somehow an escape for his feelings.

He wonders if they too knew the feeling of wishing they could just disappear. He wondered if they could understand, if they knew the feeling of being in love with someone who just can't love you back.

When Harry stood in front of his door, he knew Nick was supposed to already be home from work but from outside he heard a radioactive silence. As if Nick wasn't there at all. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't.

He stared at the door, his body trembling and his heartbeat increasing. Did he really want to do this, walk back into the life that was killing him? No, he didn't but he did anyway.

He walked in and the lights were off, Harry never felt colder. Harry gently closed the door, the hairs on his skin prickling. He felt his throat closing in, the words he wanted to say lost in the abyss of darkness that surrounded him. Harry placed his bag down, no longer sure if he should have left in the first place.

With all the courage he had left, he turned on the light. A soundless gasp left his mouth. Everything was okay, well everything that didn't have a heartbeat was.

But in the middle of the room lay Nick, his face buried into Harry's favorite hoodie, in the remains of what used to be their coffee table in between the sofas. Harry couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not but regret washed over him. He looked so much like his old self, the one Harry fell in love with. "Nick," he breathed, scared to approach him but too in love not to.

He walked over to him with timid steps, his heart breaking and beating in pain. Nick didn't move but Harry swore he heard a small sniffle. "Oh Nick," Harry whispered, ignoring the broken coffee table steps away from them. He ignored his curious thoughts and focused solely on the man he was going to marry.

Harry reached out on a whim and lightly brushed his hand against Nick's hair. He crouched, shaking him before stopping. If Nick was sleeping did Harry really want to wake him?

Harry ignored the thought in the back of his head that told him if Nick was sleeping he could still walk away and act as if he hadn't returned at all. He ignored it because he knew that he wouldn't leave even if he could.

> _"The truth is: If I could be with anyone, I'd still be with you."_

Instead Harry chose to spoon Nick, ignoring the cold floor and pulled him close, reeling in the warmth Nick provided. He can't remember the last time they did this. And for some reason that made Harry cry.

He laid there and weeped, holding his broken lover in the middle of the room that represented the chaos that was Harry's life now, knowing they were broken and wondering if they could still be fixed.

\------

Harry was expecting to wake to beatings and curses but instead he woke up with an arm full of Nick. Nick was still sleeping, his breath slow and peaceful. Harry pressed a kiss to the back of his head, wondering what went on in there. Wondering why he had turned into the monster Harry lives with now. Harry feels a bittersweet smile climb onto his face as he stared up to the dark ceiling, remembering his favorite moments with Nick.

> _"I couldn't stand the fact that you weren't coming back and so I kept you alive in my mind but in the end, I killed myself with memories."_

\-----

> _"Sober or drunk, it's always you."_

"Harry! Babe where'd you go?" Nick yelled, his voice alive with alcohol. Harry pressed his hand to his mouth, trying to keep the giggles from spilling. Harry was hiding underneath the covers, not his best hiding place but then again he was drunk. "I found you!" Nick jumped onto of Harry's figure. "Is this my Harry hiding underneath the covers?"

Harry could imagine the goofy grin on his face. "Maybe," Harry had replied, his mind lost in a field of euphoria. Nick pulled down the covers and they looked lost for words. So instead they kissed. "I love you."

It had been the first time any of them said it. Harry stared wide eyed at Nick. "I love you, " Nick repeated, a smile growing.

He knew he could deny it in the morning, blame it on the drinks he had but he knew that he and Harry both knew, drunken words speak louder than sober actions.

"I love you too," Harry breathed.

\-----

Harry felt like that had been ages ago, the memory not even feeling like his anymore. It felt as if the sweet moments he had shared with Nick were from a different lifetime, almost as if they hadn't been really his at all.

He missed him, he missed the way Nick would stare at him as if he were everything. He missed the soft smile Nick used to have every morning. He missed this Nick and he doesn't think he'll ever stop.

> _"Missing you comes in waves. Tonight I'm drowning."_  

\-------

"Do I get tomorrow off, Mark?" Louis grumbled to his boss as he helped clean the music shop. His shift was finally coming to end, he always helped Mark --the owner who made thousands yet paid Louis so little-- clean up a bit before heading on home. "I dunno, you know Friday nights get real busy," Mark replied, making Louis' hope s die down.

He hated complaining but that would be the third Friday in a row that he worked. He was a 23 year old and he wanted chill out sometimes. However he doubted Mark even knew that, considering he was 62 years old.

It wasn't that old but it wasn't _that_ young.

"Fine! Just stop pouting like a five year old," Mark bit. Louis didn't even know he was pouting, it was a natural reflex for him. And it was one that always worked. Which Louis was thankful of.

Louis grinned brightly at the old man before reaching under the counter where employees could keep important junk, like jackets or bags. Everyone trusted each other so they didn't really mind.

Louis grabbed his jean jacket, which didn't offer much heat but he looked really good in. " 'm gonna head out now, see ya Saturday Mark!" Louis called out running out back.

He shivered slightly as his body adapted to cool outside air. He hummed under his breath as he walked to his shared flat, after all it was just three blocks away so he didn't mind. He was saving up to buy a car anyway. As he walked, Louis marveled at everything he saw.

He studied anything and everything for a split second. And despite how rude kids may be nowadays he smiled politely at some people that he passed. Some he didn't even bother with, they wouldn't spare him a glance. Not that he cared.

As much as Louis loved the night he couldn't help but sigh as he saw his building come into view. As he entered it he greeted the manger, Lizzie, with a casual smile while ignoring the blush that flooded her cheeks.

It happened every time he even looked at her although he acted oblivious to her little crush. It wasn't because she was ugly or anything, it was just he wasn't _that_ into girls. Truthfully he wasn't into girls at all.

He found them unappealing. He never understood why guys were so obsessed with boobs, he liked the flatness of a toned guy.

Yet he couldn't tell that to Lizzie because he'd feel like an asshole for not being able to reciprocate the feelings. Sometimes she looked like she had gotten the guts to ask him out but in less of a second it was gone. He kept thinking about it as he reached his apartment.

Louis walked into his flat, a yawn climbing out his lips. Work had been tiring and extra boring. Louis was about to start his daily complain of work when he saw Zayn sitting on the couch, his face pressed into his hands. He immediately knew something was wrong. "What happened?" He asked, noticing Liam walking in with two mugs of tea.

"I just don't understand why he just left- he, he could have at least said goodbye," Zayn answered,  completely ignoring what Louis said. 

"What's going on Li?" Louis pressed on, wanting to know why his best friend was sitting on the couch with such dispair in his voice.  

"My friend Harry came over and then out of no where he left. But I'm worried because he's all covered with bruises. It's not right. Something isn't right. And he didn't even leave a phone number." Zayn rapidly answered, sounding distraught.

"Harry that you've known for ages? That Harry?" Louis asked, his eyebrows furrowed. Zayn nods in response, "Yep, that Harry." "Maybe he got a call and needed to go," Louis shrugged. "He could have at least said goodbye," Zayn sighed.

"Why'd he come in the first place?" Louis asked, taking a seat on the couch. "He needed somewhere to stay for a couple days," Zayn shrugged. 

"Well maybe he'll come back then. Don't stress, I'm sure he's fine." Louis replied, patting Zayn on the back. Still Zayn couldn't shake the feeling that he really isn't. 

\-----

"Do you really love me? Or is it just a lie?" Harry whispers, staring at the man he loved. "This is toxic isn't it?" His voice shakes, loud in the silence.

> _"He hates me but I'm still in love with him. "_

\------

"Harry, stop!" Nick laughed, as Harry continued to dance like a complete idiot on their bed. "Make me!" Harry dared him, sending him a wink before grinning. Nick chuckled for a second before saying, "Alright if you say so."

They ended up falling on the bed, laughter in the air and love in their hearts. "I love you, you idiot." Nick sighs, his fingers intertwining with Harry's. "I don't think I could live if you didn't," Harry replied, a playful tone but with a serious meaning underneath.

"Don't worry, I don't I will ever stop loving you," Nick assured him, turning to kiss him.

\-----

"I guess you were wrong Nick," Harry whispered, laughing without humour. Hot tears began to flow again. There's too many memories, too many promises to ever let him go. "I never stopped loving you," Harry answered even if Nick wasn't listening.

It's sad how fast we can lose the love thay fueled our passion. It's sad how all that is left behind are the memories. It's sad how we never stop completely loving those we know shouldn't be in our lives anymore. It's unfair how Harry doesn't know how to leave. It's unfair how he doesn't want to.

"Just love me one last time," Harry whispers, the tears continuing. "Then I can let you go," Harry finishes, staring at the darkness and feeling so alone.

>   _"But the memories won't seem to let me go."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like it? Thanks for reading x
> 
> P.s. I totally disagree with Louis on what he said about boobs- boobs are awesome.


End file.
